By: Irina Naidina, clinical psychologist, expert in the emotional, social, and cognitive development of children with autism, certified DIRFloortime expert and trainer with 14 years of experience, and founder of Mindful Relationship Coaching.
As a clinical psychologist and an expert in the emotional, social, and cognitive development of children with autism with 14 years of experience, I often encounter questions from parents about what to do if their child frequently fights. This behavior can cause anxiety and a sense of helplessness in parents, but it is essential to understand that a child’s aggressive actions may have deep-rooted causes that need to be addressed with understanding and attention.
Causes of Aggressive Behavior
One of the primary reasons for aggressive behavior in children is difficulty with self-regulation. Self-regulation is managing one’s emotions and behavior in response to stressful situations. Some children struggle significantly with self-regulation, leading to rapid transitions from calm to aggressive. They cannot control their reactions to stimuli, and the “fight or flight” response is automatically triggered. This response, ingrained in us by evolution, helps us react quickly to danger, but in some children, it can be activated in situations that pose no real threat.
Sensory Sensitivities
Another vital reason for aggressive behavior can be a child’s sensory sensitivities. Some children’s sensory systems process information differently than most. Such children may be hypersensitive to sounds, lights, or touches, causing them significant stress. For example, loud sounds or bright lights can provoke an aggressive reaction. Conversely, some children seek intense sensory experiences for their muscles and may use hitting to start communication or obtain the sensory input they need.
Communication Difficulties
Children with aggressive behavior often face difficulties with two-way communication. This includes the ability to express their desires and feelings and understand the emotions and intentions of others. Children with aggressive behavior may struggle to pick up on nonverbal cues, such as facial expressions and gestures, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. They might interpret the neutral or friendly actions of others as threats, resulting in aggressive reactions.
How to Help Your Child
Dealing with a child’s aggressive behavior requires a comprehensive approach. It is essential to work on creating a supportive environment, teaching the child self-regulation techniques, and developing their communication skills.
Establish a Clear Routine and Clear Rules
Creating a straightforward daily routine and setting clear rules can help reduce the child’s stress level. When a child knows what and when things should happen, it gives them a sense of confidence and stability. The daily routine should include time for play, study, rest, and other activities. Explain to your child the family rules and why they need to be followed. The rules must be understandable and consistently enforced by all family members.
Teach Self-Regulation Techniques
Teach your child self-regulation techniques to help them cope with stress and control their emotions. These techniques can include deep breathing, meditation, physical exercises, or relaxing activities such as drawing or listening to music. Practicing these techniques can help your child better manage their reactions to stressful situations.
Eliminate Sensory Triggers
If your child reacts uniquely to certain sensory stimuli, try eliminating them or providing alternative ways to receive sensory input. For example, use noise-canceling headphones if your child is hypersensitive to sounds. If they seek intense sensory experiences, offer them physical activities or sensory toys. This can help reduce stress and decrease the likelihood of aggressive behavior.
Play Games that Develop Emotional Understanding
Play games with your child that develop emotional understanding and social situations. Discuss with them what they, you, or others feel in different situations. For example, you can use cards with images of various emotions and ask your child to explain what the person in the picture is feeling. This can help your child better understand their feelings and those of others and learn to respond appropriately.
Consult a Specialist
If your child’s aggression becomes a severe problem, consult a specialist. A psychologist or therapist can help develop an individualized support plan, taking into account your child’s specific needs. The specialist can conduct diagnostics, identify the causes of aggressive behavior, and suggest effective correction methods. Working together with a specialist will help you better understand your child’s needs and learn to cope with their aggression.
Strategies to Prevent Aggressive Behavior
In addition to addressing current manifestations of aggression, it is also important to apply strategies to prevent aggressive behavior in the future.
Model Positive Behavior
Show your child examples of positive behavior. Children learn by observing adults, so try to demonstrate calmness and composure in stressful situations. Explain to your child how you handle difficulties and control your emotions.
Encourage Positive Behavior
Encourage your child to behave positively and successfully use self-regulation techniques. This can include praise, stickers, or small rewards. The child must understand that their efforts are noticed and appreciated.
Create a Supportive Environment
Create a supportive environment at home and school that promotes the child’s development and comfort. This can include calm and quiet resting places, sufficient time for physical activity and play, and adult support.
Regularly Communicate with Your Child
Maintain regular and open communication with your child. Spend time discussing their feelings and experiences. Listen to them attentively and show that you understand and support them.
Conclusion
Every parent wants their child to be happy and feel loved. Constant fighting and aggression can signal other needs of the child. It is essential to set rules and explain them, teach children to understand their desires and dedicate time to quality communication. This can help the child feel confident and significant and learn to value not only material things but also moments spent with loved ones. A balanced approach to upbringing, based on discipline and love, can help create harmonious and healthy relationships within the family.
Remember that in any situation, it is essential to be not against the child with bad behavior, but with the child against their aggression, which they cannot handle alone. Become their ally, help them understand their reactions, and learn to overcome difficulties together. Aggressive behavior is a signal that the child needs your help and support. Acceptance, understanding, and working together with your child will help them learn to manage their emotions and improve their social skills. You can create a harmonious and safe environment where the child can develop and grow.
Published by: Khy Talara
